The Wayward Son

As mentioned in my previous article, I chose to keep my deeper dive separate from the article to avoid unnecessary bloat. You’re welcome. I can often rant on, and no one needs to read a novel from me (not yet at least). But before this as well becomes a rant, I digress.

For those of you who haven’t heard the song in its entirety, I encourage you to do so. At the very least, take a look at the lyrics for some reference. Or hey, jump blindly if you’re feeling adventurous.

The Intro

“initially was going to lay on back and stare at ceiling… but felt relaxed and closed my eyes”

My initial thought of the intro was it seemed like a message intended for someone who had been through a struggle and lost their way. As if it was intended to be advice to someone who is starting to discover what is next. At first, the thought of resting a weary head triggered imagery of character saying their final words after a hard fought battle. However, after hearing it in the chorus and later listens, it transitioned more to reflection and rest after the closing of a chapter.

Verse 1

“made me think of dark times that I rose above only to fall back into the abyss“

The rift leading into the first verse gives me the feeling of entering the start of a journey; the type of scene in a movie where the camera pans out to expose the long and partially shrouded path ahead of the main character. Yes, my mind is a visual generating machine.

The lyrics brought me back to a recent time when I started to finally be able to pull my mind out of the chaotic cloud that was my emotions and thoughts. I was at times able to find wings to elevate above the chaos and rise above in a return to “normalcy”. However, similar Icarus flying too close to the sun, I often found myself falling and crashing back to Earth.

I had some increased visibility of my situation, but it was still shrouded by a fog-like cloud. While I had some mental clarity, it was still a Jekyll and Hyde situation where one side would take over, seemingly at random. I had just enough insight to finally grasp the root causes of some issues but needed constant experimentation and tweaks to find a lasting solution.

Verse 2

“then tried to give myself a narrative to move one with“

After coming to the previous realization, I tried to give myself a narrative to motivate my next move(s). Not quite a “fake it ‘til you make it” type charade, but more of setting a destination for travel. But as in the song, it was still a “stormy sea” that often led me off the intended course. I only truly found traction when I decided to let the “winds of fortune” guide my path and live on shorter time frames.

Living on shorter time frames (day to day or even hour to hour) seemed simpler. Letting the completion and result of these timeframes determine my potential next moves was a smoother process. I had to let the inner voices that told me to go with the flow become the dominant ones. Sometimes fighting strong currents can do more harm than good. You are often better off waiting until calmer waters appear to readjust.

Bridge

I then came to the one part that had no initial meaning to me. And to be honest, at the time of writing it is still quite vague. However, I can wind it down to giving a feeling of retrospect and finding purpose.

A good friend of mine spent considerable amounts of time trying to get me to stop and celebrate wins. Any “success” I would achieve would rarely be good enough and quickly led me to pursue something more. I often made life one long grind by convincing myself that the job was never done. As of late I have started to intentionally take time to stop and smell the roses. While taking too many pauses can leave you with unfinished goals (something I have often been guilty of), a strong balance must be struck. As Thanos once said, “perfectly balanced as all things should be”. I was quite often “too much to one side or the other” for my own good.

One’s purpose can be as simple as enjoying the path you’re on, like a nomad who calls no one place their home. While they may settle in common areas at times, their true joy is the experience of something new or different. A balance between the two leaves little room for voids that eat away at you or cause you to force situations for often only short term satisfaction.

As a Whole

Between the initial listens and the writing of my final draft, I have likely listened to this sound about 100 times. It has been on repeat all through my draft note creation. It is now 11:05am and my headphones are at about 30%. Through that time it has forced me to reflect a lot on life, and mainly on my past 3 years.

There were many times when I wanted to (and even tried to lay down to) give up and quit, but something never quite let me. Not for longer than a few hours anyway. As if this song was secretly in my head all along. I am known for being stubborn and hardheaded, and for once it seems that this was a purely positive force.

The act of “resting your weary head” often comes at the end of a hard fought journey, whether it ends in success or failure. I am attempting to do the same as I try to figure out what is still yet to come. In this previous journey I feel like I have lost quite a lot, some that I am still trying to adjust to. But if there is one thing it has provided me with is an odd sense of peace. The next journey will begin and come with it, its own highs and lows.

Final Thoughts

Something about waking up from my dream with this song in my head compelled me to put thoughts on papers and they have flowed like a winding river. We all choose our own paths in life and those come with slip ups and unintended consequences. Some hurt, some suck, and many stick with you for years to come. Quite often the negatives attach themselves to you and weigh you down like a ship anchor or eat away at you like scurvy to a pirate’s smile.

The best course of action is to continue forward and aim for balance. Cherish the highs while you have them, but don’t get so high that you take them for granted. Develop resolve during the lows as they (like the highs) aren’t permanent. Carry on my wayward people!

PS: It is time to give my headphones and this song some time to rest their weary heads and let them enjoy some peace.